More than matter, more than mind.

What is your 'self' made of?

The air was filled with golden particles of light.

We were at a picnic, or maybe an outdoor coffee shop.

Reminiscing, laughing, as if we’d never been apart.

The space between us brimming with love.

He lowered the cup from his lips, and just as he was about to speak, I woke up.

It was a grey, chilly Friday morning.

As I made my morning coffee, I pondered my dream about my friend, Stuart.

His mum owned the travelling psychic show I worked for, where he read tarot cards and rune stones.

From my first shift, at just sixteen, he had taken me under his wing, and we grew into fast friends.

After work, we’d sometimes end up at raves or random parties.

But I was equally happy raiding the 24 hour supermarket, and spending all our wages on snacks.

Famished after a public mediumship dem, ten private readings, and a two hour trip home, we’d guzzle our pasta pots, crisps and chocolate at his flat at 2am before falling asleep on the sofa.

This happiness went on for many years.

I stirred my coffee.

I hadn’t thought about Stuart for ages. I missed him.

We drifted apart ten years ago when I left Second Sight, and he moved hundreds of miles away to Brighton, needing to go his own way, after working so long with his mum.

We weren’t even friends on Facebook anymore.

I grabbed my phone and looked him up. He looked well - thriving and happy, with friends and a partner. He’d posted a survey for his psychology degree. That made me smile - he’d always talked about one day studying psychology.

Without a second thought, I tapped the ‘message’ button.

Hello Friend,

I had a dream about you last night and it prompted me to reach out. I miss you! Thinking of you with nothing but love. I hope you’re safe, happy and flourishing. X

He was online. I could see him typing.

Hello stranger!

You will not believe this, but I am at Gatwick airport on my way to Glasgow. I’m celebrating my 40th with my mum and sister.

Two of my friends were supposed to come to dinner with us tomorrow night but they cancelled this morning.

Would you and Corbin like to join us?

Stuart’s birthday isn’t even in February…

And he hadn’t been back to Glasgow in years…

Why did I dream of Stuart at just this moment?

On Saturday night I was reunited with my friend. When I saw him in the restaurant, my eyes filled up with tears, and I squeezed him like I had ten years of squeezing to do.

And as the twinkling droplets of the chandelier shone upon us, the air was filled with golden particles of light.

—

What caused my dream at just this moment?

I think there is something of me in Stuart, and something of Stuart in me. In some unbreakable way, we remained connected over space and time.

And when we had the chance to be together again, those bonds were activated from some transcendent place, dropping down into my dreamscape to deliver the message.

If you listened to my appearance on Buddha at the Gas Pump this week, you heard me mention that I’m deeply interested in understanding the true nature of selfhood because I suspect it holds the key to how mediumship is possible.

The facts of mediumship seem to necessitate that to be a self is to be something more than matter, something more than mind.

Selfhood is about the bonds we make with the other. It is by nature relational.

Can you name one thing about yourself that isn’t about how you relate to the world? What defines you is what you love, what you cherish, what is significant to you, what you value.

Your beingness extends out into the world, interacting with it. It tags what it deems important with emotion, and starts a relationship with it. In so doing, your self is created.

Mediumship suggests that when your body dies, when your mind dies, the relational bonds that define your selfhood do not.

Just like my love for Stuart was preserved over space and time, the many tendrils of your self will persist after your death.

The bonds of love, significance, and value that define you are distinct from your body and theatre of consciousness you use to perceive them. They are a different sort of thing with as yet unknown properties.

The part of me that caused me to dream of Stuart at just that moment and not another is the part of me that will transcend death.

Examine the bonds of meaning that surround you. The relationships that are important to you, which become your self, are the notes of the aria of your life. A once-in-eternity symphony that will forever resonate through existence.

Now, I’d love to hear from you. Full access subscribers can comment and ask questions.

Do you think that the terms ‘mind’ and ‘body’ do enough to capture all there is about you? Or are they a false dichotomy?

What was your top takeaway from this article?

Ps. Every month I choose a paying subscriber at random to receive a complimentary sitting with me valued at £300. February 2022’s winner is:

Sally Black

Congratulations Sally! I will email you to book your session.